Like a rolling stone...

I grew up in a small seaside town in the north-east of England. From a fairly early age I knew I was never going to stay there - I was lucky enough to have parents who took me on day trips round the country and every weekend we would pile into the car to head off to another destination. We explored, we played, we laughed, we fought off ant invasions whilst eating our picnic. I saw that there was a world outside of the town I lived in. 

I knew exactly what I was going to do when I grew up. I was going to study Archaeology at university then head off on great archaeological adventures. I was going to travel the world, studying, excavating and hanging out in museums feeling super important and intelligent. I would watch the sun set in an exotic location whilst drinking wine and discussing the latest historical finds, with a tanned Indiana Jones type fella.

I had it all figured out. And I did whatever I could to help me get there. I volunteered, I made connections and I devoured every episode of Time Team I could. 

As you are here on my website, reading this, you can probably guess it didn't pan out quite how I had hoped. The truth is, I headed off to uni and got distracted. I watched Sex and the City and Friends and suddenly I had a new plan. I could go and live in a big city, get a job, buy designer shoes, go on dates every night of the week and somewhere in the midst of it all I would fall hopelessly in love with the man of my dreams. 

And so, that's what I went off to do. I left uni, moved to London and got a job. The strangest thing happened though - my job just about managed to cover my rent, I had hardly enough money left for food never mind Jimmy Choo's. I quickly got bored of dating, eating out every night, and the 90 minute commute across the city to work every day. 

I pushed, competed, strived... but for what? My dreams and the crystal-clear plan I had once held had dissolved in front of my eyes. I had no direction, sense of purpose.

Like a rolling stone. 

And so it continued - for 7 years I rolled along, bouncing off one jagged rock after another, never finding a place to rest. Eventually I grew weary - after an agonising few months I decided to quit my job, pack my bags and leave London. 

I have carried so much guilt for those 7 years. I have almost collapsed under the weight of failure, of mistakes, of not managing to make life turn out like I had planned. 

Here's the thing - right now, right here, I am still that rolling stone.

But I'm done fighting, analysing and trying to change it. I am embracing it, because it's my truth. I'm a creative, I'm intentionally designing my life and business for myself and I change direction frequently. And that's ok, life isn't a straight line and I don't need to have it all figured out. 

I just need to roll along, taking opportunities as they come up, closing the door on those that don't feel right and doing what I can each day to make my life a great place to be, for me and those around me. 

The rest is taken care of. 

Let's roll.... 

(Ps - I love a bit of Dylan but this is my new favourite version of the song). 

 

The Sunday Edition : August 10th

1. 

I made the decision to take two days off this week - and boy, was that the right thing. As a small business owner it can be really hard to justify taking time off. There is always something I could/should be doing. But this week I was reminded of the importance of self-care when it comes to freelancing, if I am burnt out and stressed and get ill there is no-one to cover my work. 

And that's where I was headed. 

So I wrapped up my client work for the week and then made the executive decision to spend 2 days doing only things I love. And it was the best. In reality, I did work but it didn't feel that way. I wrote, created, crafted and visioned. I had extra cuddles with the puppy and I vegged out with old episodes of Friends. I explored and took time to comment on other blogs. 

It was really clear to me that this is something I need to build into my schedule. It's not practical for me to do this every week but even one afternoon a month, dedicated to creating because I want to not because I have to - would be really beneficial. 

2.

Journalling. I have been doing a ton of it - everyday, pages and pages spilling out of me. Exploring ideas, letting go of stuff, gratitude lists, stories. Every day I feel pulled to get out my journal and just write. It's given me some amazing insights and clarity over the last week and is becoming a daily practice. 


How about you friends? What's been going on with you this week? Leave a comment below and let me know!